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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30071814">eyes full of stars</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/thchateaus/pseuds/thchateaus'>thchateaus</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Pre TFATWS, Steve Rogers Has PTSD</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 18:54:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,106</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30071814</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/thchateaus/pseuds/thchateaus</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After Thanos, Steve isn’t sure who he is.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers &amp; Sam Wilson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>122</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>eyes full of stars</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>SO i rewatched endgame recently which was a Mistake. then i saw today’s tfatws trailer and the steve memorial made me sad!!! so. i wrote this</p><p>obviously i don’t own these characters etc etc</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Steve watches the space Thanos had dusted for a good while after it's all over. </p><p>He’s still half-convinced it was a trick. That he was coming back. Because that’s how these things work, isn’t it? </p><p>They don’t just get to win like this. </p><p>Every brush of wind on his aching skin makes his stomach lurch. He’s half-convinced Thanos is going to materialise all over again. Undo everything and take it all away again.</p><p>The shield… the remnants are somewhere behind him, he thinks. The hammer sits beside him, as motionless as him. He can’t quite believe that even worked, even though he’d held his hand out and prayed it would.</p><p>He couldn’t comprehend any of this. </p><p>Tony. <em>Nat</em>.</p><p>How was he going to tell them? Tell Sam, Wanda, Bucky… how...</p><p>“Steve.” </p><p>There’s a hand on his shoulder and he doesn’t need to look to know whose it is. Knows it like his own. He grasps for it with shaking fingers. He doesn’t move, can’t.</p><p>Bucky must crouch behind him or something, completely silent beside the scuffle of his soles on churned-up earth, because there’s lips pressed to his temple.</p><p>He can’t. He can’t acknowledge that without acknowledging Bucky is here and alive. That it's real. Not without confronting the horrors of surviving all these years without him and Sam, and the rest of them. And he doesn’t have the strength for any of it.</p><p>“It's over,” Bucky whispers despite the chaos around them, and Steve briefly notices Wanda eviscerating some of the destruction nearby. Red obscures his vision.</p><p>“Buck,” He tries, exhausted, and feeling a lot like his age all of a sudden. “<em>Buck</em>.”</p><p>Bucky shushes him, and clambers into view. Of all that he should focus on, the blood seeping into his brow draws him in the most. Steve reaches up to smooth it over, even though it’ll be gone in a moment, and Bucky catches his wrist.</p><p>It's gentle. It's so gentle, and there’s a vibranium thumb stroking his skin. </p><p>Still, “You’re bleeding.”</p><p>The tension slowly ebbs away with each stroke. It's what Bucky does to him, he thinks. He’s a balm, a creature capable of love beyond measure that Steve got lucky enough to find. More than once. </p><p>Bucky joins him on the torn up ground, grunting as he lowers himself.</p><p>“Pal, you look worse than I do,” He tries a joke, voice worn with overuse.</p><p>Steve swallows, nods because it's true, and releases Bucky’s hand to clamber lazily for him.</p><p>Steve finds Bucky’s cheek instead, cupping it. Bucky leans into the motion with ease. He watches Steve with wet eyes, his face dark with soot. Battleworn. Steve can’t imagine how much worse his own is. </p><p>“It's been too long,” Bucky says quietly, hand climbing his arm and tangling their hands together against Bucky’s cheek. He doesn’t ask just how instantaneous those five years must have been for Bucky. They’d felt like the decades that he’d missed had caught up with Steve. And more.</p><p>He heaves out a breath, chest weighed down where it ached, and he has to blink away the sudden prick of tears.</p><p>“Way too long,” He chokes out, not at all thinking through it when he nudges close and ducks his face in Bucky’s hair.</p><p>Bucky gives a noise, pulling him into his arms, and Steve’s having a hard time convincing himself he’s real. </p><p>That he’s not just gonna slip through his fingers again.</p><p>“Sweetheart, it's okay,” Bucky murmurs, loud in the deafening chaos that surrounds them, and Steve grips him tighter. “It's what we do, huh? We just miss each other.”</p><p>“I don’t want to do it anymore, Buck.”</p><p>Maybe it's selfish. But he doesn’t want to fight anymore. He doesn’t have it in him to watch Bucky leave anymore. To watch anyone else die.</p><p>“Well. I’m not planning on going anywhere,” He feels the scrape of Bucky’s beard against his skin as he smiles, and Steve tries to replicate it.</p><p>Bucky pulls back to lift that cowl off of his head with ease. He pushes Steve’s hair out of his face, his smile just as beautiful as it is heartbreaking.</p><p>“It's shorter,” His mouth twitches, “Kinda miss that beard, too.”</p><p>“Shut up,” Steve finds himself snorting, his chest hurting with it, and he reaches for Bucky again. Can’t have him hearing the hitch in his breaths, the telltale click of broken ribs. </p><p>Bucky caves into it anyway.</p><p>“What do you say we leave,” He knows it's greedy to want that. But he’s tired of living for everyone but himself. He thumbs Bucky’s cheek, and his eyes flutter. “We just go. We don’t do this anymore.”</p><p>His eyes snap open. “Steve..”</p><p>He frowns. “Buck, I’m serious. You don’t want that?”</p><p>“I do. God, I do,” Bucky chews on his lip. “You sure you can live with that, though? Hanging up the shield?”</p><p>Steve eyes Sam across the way helping Wanda in moving the gauntlet. </p><p>“I got a couple ideas.”</p>
<hr/><p>It takes five seconds for him to return. </p><p>Takes a few more for Sam to accept the shield. It's only after Bucky pulls him aside, the two of them speaking at the end of that bench, that he takes it.</p>
<hr/><p>“Why Sam?” </p><p>Bucky tips his head to the side to eye Steve, legs crossed on the dashboard. </p><p>“Why not?” </p><p>Bucky shrugs like that’s acceptable enough, leaning forward to toy with the radio. There’s some disco song playing, a weird choice for 9AM on a Tuesday, but. </p><p>Bucky turns it up.</p><p>He looks back at Steve again, snorts. “What, you don’t like disco?” </p><p>“I like it fine,” Steve says, continuing to watch him for a little longer because the road’s empty and he’s still half-convinced this isn’t real.</p><p>“Yeah? Your face doesn’t agree with you.”</p><p>Steve huffs a breath. </p><p>“Do you think I messed up? Handing it over to Sam?”</p><p>“Nah, he’s the best guy for the job. A pain in my ass, but he’ll make a good cap. You did great, Steve.” </p><p>He chews on his cheek. “Why’re you asking then?”</p><p>“He’s not got the steroid juice we were blessed with, has he?” There’s a dark chuckle, “Feel kinda bad. It's a lot of pressure.”</p><p>“He could’ve said no. I’m sure Bruce is already working on a dozen ways to make it denser or something.” </p><p>Bucky nods at that, smile wavering, and Steve’s pretty sure he’s made a mistake. </p><p>“Yeah, I’m sure he is,” He clears his throat, “Wanda told me they’ve already started on rebuilding.”</p><p>Steve shakes his head, disbelieving laugh escaping. Of course they had.</p><p>“I hope she’s alright.”</p><p>Bucky reaches for his spare hand that rests on his lap. “She’s got Sam, Clint, she’s got us. It's what we do.”</p><p>“I know,” Steve squeezes his hand. Thinks about that plot in Vision’s name he’d handed over to her after she was blipped back. He wanted that. “I don’t know how to do anything but fight. What if they need me?”</p><p>“Little big-headed of you, Stevie,” Bucky’s mouth twitches, he can feel his eyes bore into Steve’s face as he faces the road. Sometimes, he thinks he knows Bucky more than himself. “Maybe you need to let yourself figure out what you want. They’re more capable than you think.” </p><p>Steve heaves in a breath, nods. “Yeah.”</p><p>“I’m right here with you, pal,” Bucky brings their hands to his mouth, presses a kiss to Steve’s knuckle.</p><p>“I know, Buck,” He coughs away the lilt to his voice. “I know.”</p><p>Bucky smiles at that, reassuring, his lips still brushing Steve’s hand. “Good.”</p>
<hr/><p>“Scoot.”</p><p>Bucky stands over him where he’s sprawled in the hammock. He’s got Steve’s sketchbook, because the sun’s skirting the horizon and Steve’s out here alone.</p><p>He edges away, taking the book with grace, and Bucky clambers on beside him. The branches protest with a slight crack but they hold. </p><p>“How’s it going in there?”</p><p>Bucky scoffs beside him, their bodies pressed together, and lays back properly. The sunlight catches in his eyes, toys with his faint smatter of freckles, and Steve aches to reach for him. They’re a centimetre apart, and yet, it feels a mile too long. </p><p>“Well, before I left, Sam and his sister were arguing about some new streaming show. I wasn’t really listening.” </p><p>Steve snorts. “Fascinating stuff.”</p><p>Bucky hums, leans against him. Ducks his head in his shoulder. “I can’t handle a roomful of them. How’d you do this when Stark threw those parties for every fucker in the city?” </p><p>Something painful pangs there for a second. A vague memory, something hazy, of he and Natasha skirting the edge of Tony’s penthouse. Avoiding every press member until they couldn’t. Until Tony pestered them into it.</p><p>“I didn’t,” Steve says. He rests his book on his stomach, bringing his hand to Bucky’s hair. It's shorter now. Just as soft.</p><p>Bucky’s lashes flutter against his skin, and Steve smiles.</p><p>“Pepper called back about the place in Brooklyn.” </p><p>“She did?” Bucky’s try of nonchalance isn’t convincing at all, really, and Steve feels him tense a little.</p><p>“Yep,” He continues to stroke through his hair, but turns to look at him. Their faces are barely apart, and he feels a little cross eyed when Bucky looks up at him. </p><p>“What’d she say?”</p><p>“It's a third less than when we asked. Neighbourhood’s just getting back on its feet after the blackouts, so. She says we’re better off trying for it soon.”</p><p>“Mm,” Bucky squints in the sunlight, “What’d you say?”</p><p>Steve flushes. Dips to look down, across the yard and past the porch to the river. </p><p>“I wanted to see what you thought, first.” </p><p>Bucky smiles, gentle and lazy, “Okay.”</p><p>Steve squints. “Just okay, no objections? You feelin’ okay?”</p><p>“Asshole,” He catches Steve’s wrist between strokes of his hair, and tangles his own in it instead. “We both wanted Brooklyn, you found this place and soon it'll be ours. Yeah?”</p><p>Steve’s chest squeezes. “Feels a lot different to us getting our first place in ‘36, huh?” </p><p>Bucky’s smile widens into an easy grin. Steve wants to kiss it from his face. “No pneumonia, no rats in the cupboards or nails stuck out of bare boards this time, I hope.”</p><p>“Better not be for the price it is.”</p><p>“It won’t matter to me anyway,” Bucky says, surprisingly earnest, and catches his wrist in a press of his lips. “You know the only thing that does.”</p><p>“Me too,” Steve knocks his forehead against Bucky’s temple, other hand clenched so he doesn’t do something real fucking dumb. “Me too.”</p><p>Bucky hums again, releasing his wrist to palm his jaw. His voice is sweet, and low, and Steve can’t think. </p><p>“You gonna make me ask?” </p><p>Steve just nods, silent, because he can’t trust himself not to say something ridiculous. Bucky huffs a laugh against his cheek anyway, and seals their mouths together. </p><p>He’d be embarrassed by the high pitch of his sigh if Bucky wasn’t melting into him at it, the hand on his jaw twitching.</p><p>He nudges closer, with his sketchbook falling to the floor. Bucky laughs against Steve’s mouth, and Steve takes the opportunity to lick into his.</p><p>They kiss for what seems like a long time, or maybe it's just enough to make up for the lifetime lost on them. Squashed together in that hammock, with that branch protesting each time they move, and he’s dazed by the time Bucky pulls away.</p><p>He licks his swollen lips, his eyes just as wild as Steve feels, and pushes a hand over his face.</p><p>“Jesus. Okay.”</p><p>Steve swallows, “Yeah.”</p><p>Bucky breathes out, clambers off of his lap, swipes his eyes over the yard. The house is illuminated now that the sun is hidden, and the music is significantly louder.</p><p>“How long?”</p><p>“Since you gave me lunch money after getting my ass beat.”</p><p>Bucky’s brows rise like he can’t comprehend that, and Steve can’t either, most days. How it's been so long, and how much that love has kept a hold on him.</p><p>“Jesus,” He blinks, “You wanna make up for lost time?”</p><p>Steve cackles into the next kiss Bucky pulls him into.</p>
<hr/><p>The place is, obviously, perfectly fine.</p><p>It's no penthouse or anything like the extravagant floor Tony insisted he use at the tower - he didn’t - but it's great. It's not a shoebox with exposed pipes or mould either. </p><p>It's got enough space to allow him to figure it out. Who he is without the shield or war on his back. </p><p>It has Bucky and the bed they share and the bookshelf Bucky’s already filled to the brim. Sam’s just a block away and Wanda’s a few more.</p><p>So, perfect. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>twt is valyriaas</p></blockquote></div></div>
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